"Hello, I'm Emperor Palpatine (see? It says so on my stand.). I'm glad you could join me as I unveil the Empire's newest weapons system, the Phase V Dark Trooper, or Dark Trooper Commando."

"That's right, you heard me correctly, a Phase V Dark Trooper. 'Huh? What? Where did that come from? Didnt Jedi whatshisface destroy that stuff? Didnt the Emperor stop funding that project?' you ask...."

"Stupid Rebels. For every one secert weapons lab you losers distroy, I have five more you dont know about working on the same project! It's protocol that if one is lost, the others go silent until a viable unit is ready for mass production.
Let's go have a look shall we?"

"It's a beast, isnt it?"

"You can see here a dual side mounted rocket launcher. What are the interesting points on these, DTC-001?"
"Several diffrent payloads available, fire and forget or guided with a range of several kilometers, my Lord."
"And here we have two dual rapid fire waist mounted mini cannons. Tell me a little about these 001."
"High explosive, armor piercing, tracer, chemical, radioactive, blaster or needle rounds at my command. The larger cannon will take an X-wing fighter down and the smaller one will remove 500 rebel troopers a minute from your glorious Empire, my Lord"
"An X-wing you say? Impressive! Lets have a better look at that cannon!"
"Yes my Lord, if I coordinate my fire with other DTC units, it is possible to stop a rebel transport from escaping, my Lord."
"Wonderful! Lord Vader could have used a few of you at the Battle of Hoth, hmmm? I see you also have two more rockets stowed on your back and what is this I see on your backpack?"
"A jetpack, my Lord. Providing 30 minutes of flight time, depending on local gravity, my Lord."
"Ah! Now my favorite feature! Watch this!"


"AHHHHHH!"


"What damage did that do, 001?"
"None, my Lord. My armor is impervious to lightsaber blades.""Thats f***ing awesome, isnt it? My idea, by the way."

"So, in conclusion, keep your systems in line, or I'll start replacing the garrisons of Stormtroopers with garrisons of badasses, like Mr. 001, here, and unlike my Stormtroopers, he never misses, do you, my friend?"
"Never, my Lord.""Oh, and to the to the idiot that destroyed the first Dark Trooper lab, on board the
Arc Hammer, we know who you are and there is a bounty so large on your head that Jango Fett himself is gonna come after you, and
he's dead!"

Dark Trooper Commando:
