Consider this a spin-off of "Worst G.I. Joe Code-Name Ever". I started thinking about possible team specialties for Joe Team members or Cobra Troopers that it would be highly unlikely we would ever see figures for, even if the line were to return to the level of popularity and prominence that it had in the 80's, simply because they wouldn't likely make especially impressive figures.

And yeah, sort of having a dull weekend here. But consider if you will the following, and feel free to contribute some of your own:

RED TAPE - G.I. Joe Company Clerk. Comes with a self-destructing file cabinet full of procurement forms.

(I can't take credit for this one -- a friend of mine came up with the character name back in the 80's and even turned out a hilarious sketch of a scrawny-little pencil-pusher in full combat gear, with a literal roll of red tape in one hand and an exploding file cabinet behind him. Sorry, I don't have the drawing.)

LOOPHOLE - G.I. Joe Company Lawyer. Come on, how many times have the Dreadnoks threatened to sue over their rights being violated every time they get caught?

HAM & BEANS - G.I. Joe Company Cook and his pet cat -- who's prone to shedding. I know the team has a good cook in Roadblock, but you don't keep the team's heavy machine gunner in the kitchen all the time. This guy is why the Joe Team is trying to get security clearance for the local pizza delivery place.

And on the other side of the fence...

LATRINE-VIPERS - Cobra janitorial services. Comes with a mop, a bucket, and a slightly higher grade of protective equipment than that of Toxo-Vipers. Most of them were recruited from the maintenance staffs of low-grade motels.

PATCH-VIPERS - Cobra uniform repair services. Expert with cleaning off blood stains and sewing up bulletholes...

Your patch-viper reminded me of an MOS I had no idea existed until I met a Marine who was in that field: Canvas Repair. It fell under the Engineer MOS fieldd, his whole purpose in life was exactly that, canvas repair. He had a rather large sewing machine sitting in a hole in the deck so the sewing surface was level with the deck. He would spread out tents or canvases like those on the back of a HMMWV or five-ton, sew a patch over the hole, then fold it back up and have it returned to the unit it belonged to. I guess the name for a Joe equivalent might be Singer or Kennmore.

Pack-Rat - The guy who packs the parachutes for the Joe team

Butterfingers - The guy in charge of arming the Joe aircraft with Missiles and bombs

Checklist - The guy in supply who issues gear

Toe-tag - the guy who has to account for deaths, arrange remains transport, and body ID. So far he's only had to fill out about ten reports.

Putty Knife - the guy hanging off the side of the Flagg scraping barnacles.

Pooper Scooper - takes care of the area where Junkyard, Timber, Order, Lamont, Sandstorm, Polly, Spirit, and Max live

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You need to re-read Sky Patrol Airborne's file card.

Does he always dress the cook surface with garlic, no matter what he's cooking? Actually happened to my godfather. He couldn't understand why the enlisted guys were complaining about the food so much, so he ate in their mess, one morning. The pancakes tasted like garlic....

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Lick it & Stick It - Yeah it would be meant to sound dirty. He would be the base mailman. He gets the boring job of going around delivering and picking up mail.

Jackhammer - He goes around making sure the roads are patched and free of buckling from all the heavy trucks and tanks riding over them. He also has been known to take a jackhammer to a HISS tank when the base has taken on surprise attacks.

Protector - Handles all the base insurance claims and other military financial issues.

Patch - The official guy head of the department patching up the seats and inner details of the vehicles. All of the battles results in torn seats, busted dashboards, etc.

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HONEYPOT - This is the nickname for the toilet/urinal waste receptacle on C-130's, crewchiefs, the flightcrew member to use it during flight, or maintenace members being punished has to remove - empty and replace it.

Make an average looking female member crewchief who does not know martial arts as this member -great misnomer.

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Here is a list that a good friend of mine and myself put together about 6 or 7 years ago one evening. Mostly, it's just silly stuff, but I thought it was fun:

Typo Viper - COBRA Stenographer

King Snake - COBRA Elvis Impersonator / Troop Entertainment

Trouser Snake - COBRA Morale Officer / Hairdresser

Corn Snake - COBRA Farmer

Milk Snake - COBRA Cafeteria Worker

Garter Snake - COBRA Escort / Troop Entertainment

Pipe Snake - COBRA Plumber

SEA Snake - COBRA Deep Sea Fisherman

Rattle Snake - COBRA Child Care Specialist

Boom Slang - COBRA DJ

Sidewinder - COBRA Public Realtions

Garden Snake - COBRA Lawn Care Specialist

Grass Snake - COBRA "herbal medicines" specialist / hippie

B.A.T.S. Metaler - COBRA Troop Entertainment

Coachwhip - COBRA Horse Trainer

Rat Snake - COBRA Pest Control

Gopher Snake - COBRA Errand Boy / bike messenger

Blind Snake - COBRA Little League Umpire

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Sheesh, and here I thought I was kidding...

You've also got some definite winners among your code-names. Tough to pick a favorite, but "Butterfingers" is close. Probably good friends with Tripwire...



Oh dear lord -- and I'm actually ALLERGIC to garlic. This sounds horrible!

Alyosha, tough to pick a favorite from your list, but I rather like the Typo-Viper.

Something I've toyed with over the years has been a Cobra internal affairs. Someone to spy on the spies.

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Now say it out loud to earn the LOL.

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GIT- Yeah, the ole' Typo Viper has been wrecking things since way back in the Yahoo groups and alt.gijoe days. My personal fave is King Snake. The guy who worked on the list with me (Toymenator) actually made an old RAH style custom of him. I plan to make a modern custom of him one of these days. Fat Vegas jumpsuit style with a short cape and glitter. Glorious.

AVE- Yep, that one works better if you say it out loud and know any showtunes. Credit that one to Toymenator as well...wait, if you figured it out, that means you know showtunes.

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The Joes need a "SENATOR PORKWELL" to make sure that the GI Joe team is always hip-deep in experimental weapons and rigs.

I thought some of the Crimson Guards did that.

Hmmm -- need a code-name here, but I'm not coming up with anything for this. Interesting idea, though.

Tig and Mig - G.I Joes elite welding team! Hardtop would love to take them off base more but you get allot of patchwork in their field. Tig has pioneered a machine to plug bullet holes in minutes, They are eying a female green shirt who is showing allot of promise, they call her Arc not only because she is good with her arc-welder but because of he electric personality.

Respite and Strong Medicine - A male and female ward nurse to take care of patients in Docs absence

I do love Senator Porkbarrel!'

I don't know what people's opinion is of Bill Bellomo but I have adopted Sgt. Archive into my Joe team he works as part of the intelligence staff IDing things from photos and maintaining that database (which includes all know MARS weaponry, advanced armors like the wraith suit and all known VENOM vehicles). Kind of like Spreadsheet from the more recent comics. I see them as well as Scanner working under Sparks

Franchise - a new member of the Joe's support team who creates business fronts, rents vehicles like moving trucks and handles regional support (safe houses etc) for when the Joe's missions go south.

Booster - handles the vehicle ordinance to prevent tampering by the enemy. Often forced to work alone, well versed in all forms of missile and rocket propulsion systems. Has a very close relationship with the Vehicle drivers, artillerymen, and pilots of the Joe team. He has been known to hand paint messages on individual pieces of ordinance.

Because I have GI Joe working out of many bases with their own secret "Pitt" in each one they do piggy back on allot of things like Control tower personnel, dock masters, inspectors and allot of security.

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This post reminds me of the Reject Viper group project.

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